Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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