I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
