New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
