you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
