M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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