I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
