Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
