new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
