Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
