Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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