Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
no, he came in my armpit
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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