I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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