so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
