She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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