Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
