i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
