Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
