she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
