Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
