life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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