so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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