we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
