Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
