remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
