i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
