Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
