I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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