I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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