i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
