he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
