i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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