Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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