At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
