I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
