Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
