I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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