I bet he comes in French.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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