can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
