So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
