my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
