It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
