yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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