i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
