Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
