I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
try to milk me bitch
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