Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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