Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
