I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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