he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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