Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
