After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
