turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
